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Program: Shoot Yourself In The Foot

C
You try to shoot yourself in the foot.
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Finaly you find out that actually you didn't shoot your foot but pointer to it.

C++
Same shit but you must add two ++ in the pipe of the gun.
After 200 warnings and 74 error messages you give up and switch to Java.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Delphi
The compiler will let you shoot yourself in the foot only if you don't use Microsoft code.

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Basic (interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off. Then you grow up and don't use water toys.

Basic (compiled)
You try to shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Because the missile launcher tube has no lock, the missile fell down and smashes your foot. Even if you cannot complete the task, you do not care because it is so much fun in fooling around with Basic.

Visual Basic
You cannot shoot your foot because Microsoft did not provide you with a barbell, gunpowder, lighter and bullets. It is not safe for kids! You fins out that actually, Microsoft did not provided you the programming language but a plastic pair of sunglasses with an interface painted on it so you can look at the screen and see there a programming language.

HTML
<a target="http://body/lower-half/leg/foot.appendage">Shoot here</a>
After waiting 10 minutes for the page to load you see an 404. You are happy because you think this is such a rare opportunity. You are rally special!

FLASH
You are joking or what? Go away!

PHP
For the moment you don't realize how pointless is to try to build a program in such a language but when you get real old and find yourself in the front of the computer trying to write the code in Notepad for the same damn pistol, you realize that true programming languages were invented long time ago. You go to the window and jump.
PS: you forgot to save the text in Notepad.

Java
The gun fires just fine, but your foot can't figure out what the bullets are and ignores them. Also you must convince the users to install Java before using the gun.

DotNet
You get an old gun from Microsoft, which strongly smells like Java, and still have rust under the shiny fresh paint. After 2-3 years when you finally finish converting gun from your actual language to DotNet, you find out the powder was expired, the bullets on the marked will not match the pipe and your whole gun was not accepted by the world. You will threat that you will shoot everybody in the head but they laugh in your face because you must install at least 500MB of updates from Microsoft in their computers before your gun will actually work. Anyway, it will only shoot safe rubber bullets.

FTP
% ftp lower-body.me.org ftp> cd /foot ftp> put bullets

DCL
You manage to shoot yourself in the foot, but while doing so you also shoot yourself in the arm, stomach, and leg, plus you shoot your best friend in the chest, the neighbour's dog and your car. A month later you're not able to understand your program anymore when you read the source.

Windows95
format /u c:\
D:\setup.exe -gun -boolet -foot -safety
'You don't have enough memory!'

Mac
The graphic is so nice that you will refuse to shoot yourself and die. You will live a long, wasteful life.

XBox
Your mum won't give you the money to buy a new box with enough memory to hold a serious thing like a gun.

Intel
You do not have to build the gun. Intel will give you a free AK47, 90 boxes with bullets (10000 rounds each), few kilo of TNT, a Panzer and few lawyers. Then it will ask you to shoot any concurrent producer of hardware starting with AMD and NVIDIA and finishing with all peoples from China, Japan, Chorea, Indonesia just to be sure nothing else will produce hardware. Then you will receive a free Microsoft license to run it on your new CPU optimized for Windows.
...oh, I forgot the Jewish? Shoot them too.

Unix
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls %

Assembler
You shoot very very fast foot. The bollets are very very small.

Smalltalk
You daydream repeatedly about shooting yourself in the foot.

MOO
You ask a wizard for a pair of hands. After lovingly handcrafting the gun and each bullet, you tell everyone that you've shot yourself in the foot.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

XBase
Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Revelation
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Apple
We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.

IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky.

Microsoft
Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500. However, you also need to buy a new computer. PS: we mentioned that we will take control over your hand and we will help you to shoot yourself. If you do not die from the first time, you can try using IE for 5 minutes. This will guarantee the result.

Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT
We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

csh
After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBase
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

PL/1
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.

Smalltalk, Actor, et al
After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks, the programming manager shoots you in the head.

And lest we forget our roots
>shoot self in foot - I don't see any self here.
>shoot me in foot - There is no you in the foot.
>shoot foot - I don't know which foot you're talking about.
>shoot left foot - You don't have the gun.
>get gun - You take the gun. You're lantern just went out. You are attacked by grues.
* * * YOU HAVE DIED * * *

Have fun with the compiler you choused.